Opening myself

(juni 2010) My Sadhana (Tantra Yoga Practise) is to be open. Open to myself, to my Beloved and open to God. However beautifull this sounds, it sounds also abstact. I notice when I close down to a person or a situation that I stop the flow of sexual energy, my lifeforce. Than I see the world in it’s boundaries and create a seperate space for me to be, to lick my wounds in private....... ......This separation leads me to a lonely place. Especially in an argument. It so happened that I had an argument with Rakesh.... It was in the bedroom and we were ready to wire down and have some one on one time together. It was a hot night and before he could lay down to relax, I wanted him to fix something for me. Tired of a hard day of work around the house, he immediately let me know that he had absolutely no interest in my demanding behaviour. As a princess I laid in the bed telling him to listen to me. The situation escalated because my ego wants always to be right. His ego was doing the same thing... and at the same time I could watch the whole thing. As if I was in a dramatic play as myself in the leading role. Without falling out of character Rakesh added some more spice to the argument by threatening to leave me in my miserable situation.  Jumping out of bed, standing in the doorway with his hands leaning against his waist he said he'd had enough! Secretly enjoying this display I made him aware of his childish behaviour and that I would not stand for it. Nodding his head in silence and with an exaggerated exhalation he jumped back on the bed. Both turning away from each other I took a moment to feel my body. My ego still resisted to let him come near me. I could feel at the same time my heart wanted to connect in love. Remembering my Sadhana of Opening I felt I had a choice. Untangling ego’s grip I slowly moved towards my Beloved, caressing his closed off body. Letting my heart speak up I turned him over and whispered: “Let’s make love.” This was all it took for releasing the blockage of our hearts energy. Keeping in contact with my sexual energy. Staying alive in the moment with this constant flow of Bliss and playfulness. Watching the dynamic between ego, mind and heart. Playing with it. Offering them together with my demanding behaviour to the Divine Light. Therefore Opening myself. Connecting with this infinite energy source of Love Making. Huray! Love is simple again! Schrijf commentaar Naam: Onderwerp: